The hardest thing I have experienced
In my 20 years of being a human I, thankfully, haven’t experienced anything massively awful yet.
I can’t pick out just one single hard thing I have experienced, but I do have a few.
One of these was coming to terms with my mental illness and struggling with that for so long. I do talk about my mental health a lot on this blog and it’s not because I want attention but I think it’s so so so important to talk about your thoughts and feelings because I have been there. I didn’t open my mouth for over a year and when I did it had gotten so bad I was harming myself. Seeing the impact that this had on my family was much harder than anything I have felt. Seeing the hurt and terror on my Mum’s face when I told her was definitely the slap up the face I needed to get my life back on track and thankfully I did. Those couple of years were super hard and a stand out in my life.
Another is the death of Granny Jo. Granny Josephine passed away from cancer a few months before my A-levels in my final year of school. I was there when she died but strangely that wasn’t the hardest bit. The hardest thing was the waiting, the sitting around. Everyone knew it was her time, that’s why we were all there but being the trooper she was she lived on passed Doctor’s expectations and struggled through a good few more hours. Her death was more of a relief then because she had been in so much pain. I do miss her so much though. She’s the only close family member I’ve lost and I can’t imagine having to go through that again.
My third hardest experience was moving to uni. As you know from my many ramblings my foundation year of uni was an absolute shambles which left my mental health once again in tatters. I was so excited for it and when it turned out it wasn’t what I had hoped or expected everything just went completely down hill. Regardless of how bad this experience was it is one I am thankful for. I learned a lot about myself and general life in that year and it’s something that has helped me get to where I am now.